forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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