Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she looked like the before picture.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
