Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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