i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
