Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
