NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
