The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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