I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
