Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
