You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
