The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
