There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
