I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize