grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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