Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
