the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
