The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
they need to just BURY HIM!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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