you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
