Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
