i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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