in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
