I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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