im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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