I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
