i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
