i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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