you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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