I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
