Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
