Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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