Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
