It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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