can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my shit smells like andre
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
