Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
