my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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