nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
