I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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