Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
