porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
