Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
