she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
