I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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