I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
