why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
