Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
