But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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