My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry my hands just texted you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
