Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
