After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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