Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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