"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
