When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
