Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
