so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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