And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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