Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
