Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize