you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
