My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so that wasnt chicken after all
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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