So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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