was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize