my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
